At this point I don't know what to say... I often make mistakes, and then in a matter of minutes I realize the mistake that I've made. I live too on the edge, I put myself in harms way all the time without thinking. Any day now, it could all end. But this so called "demise" is split into two categories... My life, or my LIFE. Either one of them I would rather not have. Or perhaps I would rather have the latter? I'll stay as vague as I have to, because no matter what you can't understand.
At the end of the day, do we really want people in our lives? Or do we want to discover, and/or do what it is that we like to do? Being alone can either be frightening, or helpful to your work. Think about people in relationships with children. They have to adjust to an entirely different lifestyle. When you are the kid with the parents, you don't realize all of the things your parents have went through raising you. The only reason they are tolerant for it is because they love you... at least most of the time. Otherwise you would be beaten to a bloody pulp for spilling a gnat sized droplet of milk on the carpet. What am I trying to get at here? I'm trying to say, there's nothing wrong with wanting to live without complication. People cause complication to our lives every day no matter what we do. Why do you think there are so many shut-ins in this world? Unfortunately, shut-ins aren't the smartest types of people, most generally at least.
The point is, if you are someone who needs people in your life, then you will have to cope with pain many times. Love is a gift, but if a loved one dies, it's enough to make the happiest man become suicidal. Good things can lead to consequences. Everything happens because your fate is determined from the day of your birth. When you die, you die. You were meant to die no matter what, because there is no way it could have been stopped. You cannot disrupt something that has already happened, therefore it cannot changed or could never have been changed. Living a simple life without having to deal with people is a life worth living. If you want a relationship, go ahead. Just be prepared for the challenges. You may or may not want kids, but in my opinion people only go looking for love because they have nothing else to live for. Why else would it make adults so happy, while it doesn't effect a teenager at all? Most say that teenagers just don't understand love... Bullshit. They just don't care because they know that there is so much to look forward to in life. At least until they realize it sucks to be an adult.
Just stay a kid at heart, and keep all of your childhood memories and interests with you until the day you die.